Monday, March 27, 2006

The "Beach Mewsic" Cat Show



The fur was flyin' last week in the Coastline Convention Center when Wilmington hosted it's first ever cat show! Just imagine: row after row of sweet, hot cat action. Exotic breeds. Cat Toys. It's enough to make a man's hands sweat!


I found this pussy wagon out in the parking lot. Check out the e-mail on it: PersianGirl2u@aol.com. What is this, some kinda feline escort service?


Hey, not even in the building yet and I've found the erotic artwork. If I'd have known ahead of time I'd have brought some of my own to sell.





Moving inside the building I saw a groovy Siamese and a Maine Coon. This is where I discovered the "no touching without the owners consent" rule, which I thought was nonsense. I mean, they wouldn't be rubbing up against your hand and purring if they didn't want it, right?


This Sphynx was one of my favorites... the little freaks have no shame, strutting around without their fur coats!


I wasn't too impressed with this Turkish Van, all it did was lay around. A grand champion? Quick, somebody make Terri Schiavo a grand champion, all she did was lay around! I'm also told she could do a few tricks with that feeding tube...


At this point I moved to one of the shows judging rings and got some pics of this really awesome ball of fluff getting it from this old lady:


Ah, I'm not sure what this lady's hand is up to in this picture... it's in there deep, like she's digging through the couch cushions looking for the remote control!


And now we come to my favorite picture of the show:


I so wanted to take him home with me... I actually considered putting him in my purse and sneaking him out the front door!

Friday, March 10, 2006

Polish Aggression

Once again, I have become the victim of a Polish terrorist. To recap, last summer my office was vandalized by this filthy polish when he hung up my baby pictures for all the world to see. I mean yeah, I was a porker baby, but who wasn't?



Notice that little orange kitty hanging in between those cute baby pictures? That kitty is one of my favorite stuffed animals (yes, I like stuffed animals) and unfortunately that makes it a potential terrorist target. Realizing this I moved the kitty into the safety of my office, which turned out to be not very safe because the polack stole it! I wasn't about to surrender to a polish man, so I decided to strike back at his beloved animal!


Fishy business...



The polish have pets too, and this particular polack has a Beta fish named Jake that he keeps at work. I decided to send a message that I was not to be trifled with by posing my big stuffed cat over his fishbowl. Unfortunately, this backfired.


Kitty loses his head!



A few days after I put the cat on the fishbowl I was greeted by this horrifying sight on my office door: my kitty had been decapitated!
The horror continued inside the office. At this point I should warn my younger readers that the following image is graphic and disturbing:




At this point I knew I had to take things to the next level. I believe violence against cats is wrong (unless you own a Chinese restaurant) and I wasn't going to let the polish get away with this.


Shock and Awe
I was given a chance at retribution when I learned the target would be out of town for a two day business trip. After putting together a coalition of the willing, we sprang into action armed with stretch wrap, tape and these ugly foam seahawk hats (don't ask). We totally took that polack's office for a ride! Here is the before pictures:



And here is what it looked like when we were done:




Notice the stuffed animals hanging around:





The cycle continues...

All that work paid off the next day when I found my kitty returned! I was so happy! So happy that I let my guard down and forgot to secure the kitty...