Thursday, October 30, 2008


Well here we are, over two years later! For those of you still trying to decide on a Halloween costume for this year I have a few suggestions:


A little bit of both, but not enough of either. Just get a McCain and Obama mask, cut them in half and stitch them together and now you're cooler than everyone that is only supporting one presidential candidate.

Ashley Todd:

This costume is really simple, all you need is some makeup to fake the bruises and lipstick to draw a backwards "B" on your face. Once the makeup is applied simply walk around and blame all of your problems on black men who are doing nasty things to you because of your political beliefs. Also try not to get yourself stabbed for reals. guy:

For this one you just need a guitar hero controller, a dorky wig and a willingness to take advantage of people.

Bonus Comedy Option:


Saturday, September 23, 2006

Why I Had to Punch a Cat

I punched a cat last weekend.

Lex and I were having one of our usual quarrels over what to wear out. I told him he should wear this cute straw hat with a pink flower, it really matches his pink little nose.


I guess later on Lex heard me refer to him as "the prettiest little girl in town" and while I was petting him he scratched the hell out of my hand:

Look at that! I can't believe that fat furball actually scratched me up... so I punched his fluffy ass and he ran behind the couch. I don't have a picture because as it turns out, it's kinda tough to hold a camera while punching a cat.

However, I can't talk about cat punching without showing you an actual cat being punched. So I present: The Punching Rabbi vs Lex!

Stay tuned for the end, Lex fights back and totally pounces on my hand. Now that's hot!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Superman Returns: The Only Review You Need to Read

Years of waiting have gone by and Superman Returns finally landed at the movies! After reading reviews like this one I was fully prepared for the movie to rock my pants off:

"Director Singer, working again with writers Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris (the superb "X2") has devised a beautifully crafted, emotionally resonant and heavily nostalgic Man of Steel guaranteed to appeal to several generations of Superman fans. "

Clearly reviewers did not see the same movie I saw. If by "guaranteed to appeal to several generations of Superman fans" they mean "guaranteed to make several generations of Superman fans want to get bucked off a horse" then they hit the nail right on the head. Let's take a look and see why exactly Superman Returns was an awful movie.

Superman, Lois and the Kid
The flick is called Superman Returns because Supes leaves Earth for five years to see what's left of planet Krypton. Upon returning, he finds out that Lois has a kid, that just happens to be.... five years old. Even later in the film we see that the kid is bothered by kryptonite. Obviously, the kid was fathered by Superman. What does this mean? What did Superman do when he found out Lois was preggers?

He comes up with a lame excuse and flys off for five years. That sounds like something a Deadbeat Dad would do, doesn't it? This bothers me more than Supererman getting Lois pregnant. That's her fault, he's a man, why should he have to use birth control?

Luthor and the Crystals
It wouldn't be a Superman movie without Lex Luthor trying to pull off some harebrained scheme. This time around Luthor goes into Superman's arctic Fortress of Solitude and steals these Kyrptonian crystals, which contain historical information about Krypton and are very powerful. They also look like glass dildos:

Luthor's plan is to get rich quick by selling prime beachfront real estate. To do this he wants to create a new land mass off the east coast and the US. Somehow doing this will flood most of North and South America but he doesn't care, because he'll be rich! Luthor figures out that if you get a crystal wet it will begin to cause eletrical disturbances and replicate itself, growing bigger and bigger. If this sounds familiar to you, it should: something beautiful that turns horribly wrong when it gets wet is the entire concept of Gremlins:

Nevermind the fact that Luthor's plot was lifted straight from an 80's movie, think about this: all the death and destruction caused by the crystals was Superman's fault! Luthor was able to walk right into the Fortress of Solitude and take the dild- I mean crystals. There was no security. There was not even a locked door! This is the equivalent of a parent not locking a gun up and their child getting ahold of it. As a society we hold the parent's responsible when their negligence leads to situations like this. Yet at the end of this movie, Superman is applauded as a hero by the very people his oversight almost killed. Way to go you Super-Shyster!

As if everything else wasn't enough, Superman also abuses his powers several times in the movie. After coming back to Earth and discovering Lois has a boyfriend, he flys to their house, hides in the bushes and uses his x-ray vision to peep in on them! And later he sneaks into the house and into the kid's bedroom and just looks at him! Unbelievable. According to this movie, Superman gets his jollies by spying on people and looking at little boys in their bedrooms--is this guy Kryptonian or is he a Catholic Priest?

So let's recap: the alleged "hero" of this film is a Deadbeat Dad, leaves sex toys/weapons laying around his unlocked house and is a peeping tom. Way to go Hollywood!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

The best of Jimmy Olsen?

Life's a drag for Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen, in the new All Star Superman #4:

Without question, the best Jimmy Olsen ever! Why can't we get this kind of action in Superman Returns instead of this walking advertisement for abortion?


Saturday, May 27, 2006


Its good to know I'm not the only person with a thing for stretchwrap out there. This is what happens when you leave your car on a university campus over spring break:

Up next we have some pictures of a fountain prank. This was the first of these I'd seen after hearing lots of stories about them....

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Punching Rabbi vs. Cookie Monster: Whose Side Are You On?

It was simple in the beginning: I wanted to sell my Xbox. When normal people try to sell an Xbox they list it on ebay and wait for hits to come in. I decided this wouldn't cut it for me since every jackass on ebay is selling one these days, I had to make my auction stand out.

I came up with the idea of doing a photo-comic backstory explaining why I was selling the Xbox. At first it was just going to be some rubbish involving Cookie Monster getting crumbs on the controller, but then I saw my Punching Rabbi puppet and realized that these two historical figures had never been crossed paths before. This match-up had the potential to be the next Superman vs. Muhammad Ali, so I was eager to get started on it.

With a little assistance from my friend Diana we held a photoshoot and brought these two legendary figures together. At this point I should note that even though the comic features Cookie Monster it's not really for kids due to the shocking violence and yiddish slurs.

Click here to read Punching Rabbi vs. Cookie Monster

Monday, March 27, 2006

The "Beach Mewsic" Cat Show

The fur was flyin' last week in the Coastline Convention Center when Wilmington hosted it's first ever cat show! Just imagine: row after row of sweet, hot cat action. Exotic breeds. Cat Toys. It's enough to make a man's hands sweat!

I found this pussy wagon out in the parking lot. Check out the e-mail on it: What is this, some kinda feline escort service?

Hey, not even in the building yet and I've found the erotic artwork. If I'd have known ahead of time I'd have brought some of my own to sell.

Moving inside the building I saw a groovy Siamese and a Maine Coon. This is where I discovered the "no touching without the owners consent" rule, which I thought was nonsense. I mean, they wouldn't be rubbing up against your hand and purring if they didn't want it, right?

This Sphynx was one of my favorites... the little freaks have no shame, strutting around without their fur coats!

I wasn't too impressed with this Turkish Van, all it did was lay around. A grand champion? Quick, somebody make Terri Schiavo a grand champion, all she did was lay around! I'm also told she could do a few tricks with that feeding tube...

At this point I moved to one of the shows judging rings and got some pics of this really awesome ball of fluff getting it from this old lady:

Ah, I'm not sure what this lady's hand is up to in this picture... it's in there deep, like she's digging through the couch cushions looking for the remote control!

And now we come to my favorite picture of the show:

I so wanted to take him home with me... I actually considered putting him in my purse and sneaking him out the front door!