I'm such a jackass...

Why is that, you ask? Because whenever I go out to eat I like to order tea. But to be honest, I'm not much of tea person. It's my understanding that tea is made from rotten plant leaves and it has a lewd color, like a person with leprosy urinated in it:

Getting back to the jackass thing, the only reason I order tea is so I can tell an old, idiotic joke to the waiter/waitress when they offer me a refill. Here's how the conversation usually plays out:

Waiter/Waitress: "Would you like some more tea?"
Me: "No thanks, I'm part Native American."
Waiter/waitress: "Really?"
Me: "Yes and I've drank so much tea I'm going to drown in my tea pee tonight!"

This is the kind of behavior that's going to get me stabbed one day...