Advertising slogans can be fun!
I love clever slogans almost as much as I love kitties. Here are some of my favorites:
"We are in business for your small business"
Sam's / Wal-Mart
Sam's might be in business for small business, but it's sister company Wal-Mart certainly isn't. Wal-Mart thrives on taking out small businesses and making itself the one stop shop in town. They do this by coming into town and dropping prices so low that local businesses can't compete with them. And if that doesn't work they burn crosses in the yards of business owners. And if your business doesn't leave town after that they kidnap your children, drown them in a bathtub, take pictures of it and put them on the internet and frame a Mexican for the crime.
"Accelerate your life!"
The Navy
Yes, accelerate your life so it ends sooner. Being in the Navy could involve getting exploded by crazed Arabs or drowning. But I guess drowning doesn't have to be that horrible. In fact, the last thing you see in your life could be a beautiful fish, such as this one:
"Just do it" ~ Nike
"Do what tastes right" ~ Wendy's
This is the line of thinking that got several truckloads of Catholic Priests into trouble. You can't "just do it" because it "tastes right," there's a little thing called "consent" that comes into play. And no, cats can't consent. You can do things with plants, so if you wanna get your jollies by licking chocolate off a cactus while jumping up and down in poison ivy then go right ahead!
"Unleash the power of the sun"
Sunny Delight
Sunny Delight is a pseudo juice drink high in sugar and marketed towards kids. Advertisements for the drink feature jackasses running around yelling unleash the power of the sun," goading children into getting sunburns, which can lead to second degree burns or even skin cancer! So next time somebody shoves a Sunny D in your face tell them to a google image search for "second degree burns on albino babies." That'll show them!
"Nobody does chicken like KFC"
How does KFC do chicken?
"Workers also ripped the animals beaks off, twisted their heads off, spat tobacco into their eyes and mouths, spray-painted their faces, and squeezed their bodies so hard that the birds expelled feces all while the chickens were still alive."
And I bet the workers didn't even call them back the next morning.
"We are in business for your small business"
Sam's / Wal-Mart
Sam's might be in business for small business, but it's sister company Wal-Mart certainly isn't. Wal-Mart thrives on taking out small businesses and making itself the one stop shop in town. They do this by coming into town and dropping prices so low that local businesses can't compete with them. And if that doesn't work they burn crosses in the yards of business owners. And if your business doesn't leave town after that they kidnap your children, drown them in a bathtub, take pictures of it and put them on the internet and frame a Mexican for the crime.
"Accelerate your life!"
The Navy
Yes, accelerate your life so it ends sooner. Being in the Navy could involve getting exploded by crazed Arabs or drowning. But I guess drowning doesn't have to be that horrible. In fact, the last thing you see in your life could be a beautiful fish, such as this one:
"Just do it" ~ Nike
"Do what tastes right" ~ Wendy's
This is the line of thinking that got several truckloads of Catholic Priests into trouble. You can't "just do it" because it "tastes right," there's a little thing called "consent" that comes into play. And no, cats can't consent. You can do things with plants, so if you wanna get your jollies by licking chocolate off a cactus while jumping up and down in poison ivy then go right ahead!
"Unleash the power of the sun"
Sunny Delight
Sunny Delight is a pseudo juice drink high in sugar and marketed towards kids. Advertisements for the drink feature jackasses running around yelling unleash the power of the sun," goading children into getting sunburns, which can lead to second degree burns or even skin cancer! So next time somebody shoves a Sunny D in your face tell them to a google image search for "second degree burns on albino babies." That'll show them!
"Nobody does chicken like KFC"
How does KFC do chicken?
"Workers also ripped the animals beaks off, twisted their heads off, spat tobacco into their eyes and mouths, spray-painted their faces, and squeezed their bodies so hard that the birds expelled feces all while the chickens were still alive."
And I bet the workers didn't even call them back the next morning.
posted by Craig at 12:49 PM
2 Comments:
Great post title but the many people I know in advertising might disagree!
Peace..............
i think wal-mart's thing went off when you typed that comment....
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