The Litterbox

Cosplay?

2008-10-30T17:31:00.003-05:00

Well here we are, over two years later! For those of you still trying to decide on a Halloween costume for this year I have a few suggestions:

McBama:

A little bit of both, but not enough of either. Just get a McCain and Obama mask, cut them in half and stitch them together and now you're cooler than everyone that is only supporting one presidential candidate.

Ashley Todd:

This costume is really simple, all you need is some makeup to fake the bruises and lipstick to draw a backwards "B" on your face. Once the makeup is applied simply walk around and blame all of your problems on black men who are doing nasty things to you because of your political beliefs. Also try not to get yourself stabbed for reals.

FreeCreditReport.com guy:

For this one you just need a guitar hero controller, a dorky wig and a willingness to take advantage of people.

Bonus Comedy Option:

?

Why I Had to Punch a Cat

2006-09-23T21:42:00.000-05:00

I punched a cat last weekend.

Lex and I were having one of our usual quarrels over what to wear out. I told him he should wear this cute straw hat with a pink flower, it really matches his pink little nose.

Cuteness!

I guess later on Lex heard me refer to him as "the prettiest little girl in town" and while I was petting him he scratched the hell out of my hand:

Look at that! I can't believe that fat furball actually scratched me up... so I punched his fluffy ass and he ran behind the couch. I don't have a picture because as it turns out, it's kinda tough to hold a camera while punching a cat.

However, I can't talk about cat punching without showing you an actual cat being punched. So I present: The Punching Rabbi vs Lex!

Stay tuned for the end, Lex fights back and totally pounces on my hand. Now that's hot!

Superman Returns: The Only Review You Need to Read

2006-07-10T04:30:00.000-05:00

Years of waiting have gone by and Superman Returns finally landed at the movies! After reading reviews like this one I was fully prepared for the movie to rock my pants off:

"Director Singer, working again with writers Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris (the superb "X2") has devised a beautifully crafted, emotionally resonant and heavily nostalgic Man of Steel guaranteed to appeal to several generations of Superman fans. "

Clearly reviewers did not see the same movie I saw. If by "guaranteed to appeal to several generations of Superman fans" they mean "guaranteed to make several generations of Superman fans want to get bucked off a horse" then they hit the nail right on the head. Let's take a look and see why exactly Superman Returns was an awful movie.

Superman, Lois and the Kid
The flick is called Superman Returns because Supes leaves Earth for five years to see what's left of planet Krypton. Upon returning, he finds out that Lois has a kid, that just happens to be.... five years old. Even later in the film we see that the kid is bothered by kryptonite. Obviously, the kid was fathered by Superman. What does this mean? What did Superman do when he found out Lois was preggers?

He comes up with a lame excuse and flys off for five years. That sounds like something a Deadbeat Dad would do, doesn't it? This bothers me more than Supererman getting Lois pregnant. That's her fault, he's a man, why should he have to use birth control?

Luthor and the Crystals
It wouldn't be a Superman movie without Lex Luthor trying to pull off some harebrained scheme. This time around Luthor goes into Superman's arctic Fortress of Solitude and steals these Kyrptonian crystals, which contain historical information about Krypton and are very powerful. They also look like glass dildos:

Luthor's plan is to get rich quick by selling prime beachfront real estate. To do this he wants to create a new land mass off the east coast and the US. Somehow doing this will flood most of North and South America but he doesn't care, because he'll be rich! Luthor figures out that if you get a crystal wet it will begin to cause eletrical disturbances and replicate itself, growing bigger and bigger. If this sounds familiar to you, it should: something beautiful that turns horribly wrong when it gets wet is the entire concept of Gremlins:

Nevermind the fact that Luthor's plot was lifted straight from an 80's movie, think about this: all the death and destruction caused by the crystals was Superman's fault! Luthor was able to walk right into the Fortress of Solitude and take the dild- I mean crystals. There was no security. There was not even a locked door! This is the equivalent of a parent not locking a gun up and their child getting ahold of it. As a society we hold the parent's responsible when their negligence leads to situations like this. Yet at the end of this movie, Superman is applauded as a hero by the very people his oversight almost killed. Way to go you Super-Shyster!

Super-Sicko
As if everything else wasn't enough, Superman also abuses his powers several times in the movie. After coming back to Earth and discovering Lois has a boyfriend, he flys to their house, hides in the bushes and uses his x-ray vision to peep in on them! And later he sneaks into the house and into the kid's bedroom and just looks at him! Unbelievable. According to this movie, Superman gets his jollies by spying on people and looking at little boys in their bedrooms--is this guy Kryptonian or is he a Catholic Priest?

So let's recap: the alleged "hero" of this film is a Deadbeat Dad, leaves sex toys/weapons laying around his unlocked house and is a peeping tom. Way to go Hollywood!

The best of Jimmy Olsen?

2006-07-01T16:51:00.000-05:00

Life's a drag for Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen, in the new All Star Superman #4:

Without question, the best Jimmy Olsen ever! Why can't we get this kind of action in Superman Returns instead of this walking advertisement for abortion?

!

Random

2006-05-27T14:11:00.000-05:00

Its good to know I'm not the only person with a thing for stretchwrap out there. This is what happens when you leave your car on a university campus over spring break:

Up next we have some pictures of a fountain prank. This was the first of these I'd seen after hearing lots of stories about them....

The Punching Rabbi vs. Cookie Monster: Whose Side Are You On?

2006-04-11T21:16:00.000-05:00

It was simple in the beginning: I wanted to sell my Xbox. When normal people try to sell an Xbox they list it on ebay and wait for hits to come in. I decided this wouldn't cut it for me since every jackass on ebay is selling one these days, I had to make my auction stand out.

I came up with the idea of doing a photo-comic backstory explaining why I was selling the Xbox. At first it was just going to be some rubbish involving Cookie Monster getting crumbs on the controller, but then I saw my Punching Rabbi puppet and realized that these two historical figures had never been crossed paths before. This match-up had the potential to be the next Superman vs. Muhammad Ali, so I was eager to get started on it.

With a little assistance from my friend Diana we held a photoshoot and brought these two legendary figures together. At this point I should note that even though the comic features Cookie Monster it's not really for kids due to the shocking violence and yiddish slurs.

Click here to read Punching Rabbi vs. Cookie Monster

The "Beach Mewsic" Cat Show

2006-03-27T21:30:00.000-05:00

The fur was flyin' last week in the Coastline Convention Center when Wilmington hosted it's first ever cat show! Just imagine: row after row of sweet, hot cat action. Exotic breeds. Cat Toys. It's enough to make a man's hands sweat!

I found this pussy wagon out in the parking lot. Check out the e-mail on it: PersianGirl2u@aol.com. What is this, some kinda feline escort service?

Hey, not even in the building yet and I've found the erotic artwork. If I'd have known ahead of time I'd have brought some of my own to sell.

Moving inside the building I saw a groovy Siamese and a Maine Coon. This is where I discovered the "no touching without the owners consent" rule, which I thought was nonsense. I mean, they wouldn't be rubbing up against your hand and purring if they didn't want it, right?

This Sphynx was one of my favorites... the little freaks have no shame, strutting around without their fur coats!

I wasn't too impressed with this Turkish Van, all it did was lay around. A grand champion? Quick, somebody make Terri Schiavo a grand champion, all she did was lay around! I'm also told she could do a few tricks with that feeding tube...

At this point I moved to one of the shows judging rings and got some pics of this really awesome ball of fluff getting it from this old lady:

Ah, I'm not sure what this lady's hand is up to in this picture... it's in there deep, like she's digging through the couch cushions looking for the remote control!

And now we come to my favorite picture of the show:

I so wanted to take him home with me... I actually considered putting him in my purse and sneaking him out the front door!

Polish Aggression

2006-03-10T17:32:00.000-05:00

Once again, I have become the victim of a Polish terrorist. To recap, last summer my office was vandalized by this filthy polish when he hung up my baby pictures for all the world to see. I mean yeah, I was a porker baby, but who wasn't?

Notice that little orange kitty hanging in between those cute baby pictures? That kitty is one of my favorite stuffed animals (yes, I like stuffed animals) and unfortunately that makes it a potential terrorist target. Realizing this I moved the kitty into the safety of my office, which turned out to be not very safe because the polack stole it! I wasn't about to surrender to a polish man, so I decided to strike back at his beloved animal!

Fishy business...

The polish have pets too, and this particular polack has a Beta fish named Jake that he keeps at work. I decided to send a message that I was not to be trifled with by posing my big stuffed cat over his fishbowl. Unfortunately, this backfired.

Kitty loses his head!

A few days after I put the cat on the fishbowl I was greeted by this horrifying sight on my office door: my kitty had been decapitated!
The horror continued inside the office. At this point I should warn my younger readers that the following image is graphic and disturbing:

At this point I knew I had to take things to the next level. I believe violence against cats is wrong (unless you own a Chinese restaurant) and I wasn't going to let the polish get away with this.

Shock and Awe
I was given a chance at retribution when I learned the target would be out of town for a two day business trip. After putting together a coalition of the willing, we sprang into action armed with stretch wrap, tape and these ugly foam seahawk hats (don't ask). We totally took that polack's office for a ride! Here is the before pictures:

And here is what it looked like when we were done:

Notice the stuffed animals hanging around:

The cycle continues...

All that work paid off the next day when I found my kitty returned! I was so happy! So happy that I let my guard down and forgot to secure the kitty...

The Adventures of Craig and Negrodamus - Part 2

2006-02-05T20:44:00.000-05:00

Loyal Litter-Box readers might remember when I took care of Negrodamus the Cat last year. Negrodamus isn't the classiest of cats, and that visit soon turned from innocent fun to full fledged kitty porn!

This time around Negrodamus spent most of his time exploring my apartment trying to shove himself into any nook or cranny he could find....

In a shoe box...

Underneath my futon...

Squeezing underneath my bar, pushing aside the stuff I had laid down to block him...

And finally he got all tangled up in wires trying to cram his big rear end behind my TV stand!

There was even one incident were he almost jumped into my oven while I was putting a sheet of cookies into it!

Of course after all was said and done the fun had to end, but Negrodamus wanted to stay with me and was reluctant to leave. Click the picture below to see video of me wrestling him into his pet taxi shortly before he left!

2005 ChrismaHannaRamaKwanzadad Gift Guide

2005-12-21T14:42:00.000-05:00

With ChrismaHannaRamaKwanzadad approaching time is running out to find neato gifts for your friends and family. Luckily for you I've taken all the hassle out of your holiday shopping with these gift suggestions. To help out with this guide I'm introducing the Litter-Box's new mascot, Petey!

Our first gift is for the person in your life who just can't seem to keep their banana out of trouble, the Banana Guard!

From the website: Are you fed up with bringing bananas to work or school only to find them bruised and squashed? Our unique, patented device allows for the safe transport and storage of individual bananas letting you enjoy perfect bananas anytime, anywhere.

Here we have Petey showing how to properly carry your protected banana. Nice work Petey :)

Next up we have a gift perfect for the white person in your life, a black nativity scene!

Because Jesus ain't no cracker!

Hanukkah Finger Puppets!

These nifty finger puppets are fun for children of all ages! These isn't the first time I've pimped these puppets, click here to see Lex modeling them. Available at AC Moore stores and other fine retailers of Judaica.

Hanukkah Tree Ornaments!

The kosher fun doesn't end with finger puppets if you have these hanging from your tree. The best thing to do with these is sneak them onto your friends Christmas tree when they least expect and let them discover it on their own :)

The Spin My Dreidel Bustier!

Those Jews sure know how to make a man's hands sweat! The official description:

What a Chanukah you will have, as you shake your way through eight festive nights in the Happy Chanukah Bustier!
Well, I'm sold! Available from Sparkle Plenty Creations.

Children + Cats + Crossdressing = Thanksgiving 2005

2005-11-27T22:16:00.000-05:00

I think my cat Lex is still recovering from Thanksgiving. He had a very big weekend, starting with the arrival of my little cousin Kelly:

As if a small child wasn't enough, Lex had to put up with my manhandling him while wearing my sexy pigtails:

After Kelly and I were done "playing" with Lex I decided he needed a reward so I hooked him up with some bangin' catnip on his scratching post.

Seriously, this was some hot stuff.

He was so off his rocker at this point I'm pretty sure he was seeing noises and smelling colors!

Well if there's one thing Lex and I have in common it's that our days seem to end with us in bed, belly up with our paws stuck in the air!

"The Storm" or "Craig likes playing with stuffed animals"

2005-10-07T14:27:00.000-05:00

Due to some tropical storm it's currently raining cats and kittens outside, driving away customers at work and causing me to be bored out of my skull. Luckily I wasn't bored for long because the roof in my office started to leak, giving me an excuse to run around grabbing cups, mugs and paper towels, like a crazed Polish scientist preparing an experiment:

I then turned my attention to cleaning up the office, but not even that could hold my attention for long as I stumbled onto my dart, stuffed cat and rat. So I started playing with them until I came up with the ultimate Cat vs Mouse game of darts:

The Adventures of Craig and Negrodamus -Part 1

2005-09-29T05:52:00.000-05:00

Last week my friend Tanya needed someone to watch her cat for a few days. Naturally I jumped at the chance to totally slap a strangers cat around for a week. And thus Negrodamus the cat was delivered to my apartment.

There's one thing you must understand about Negrodamus: he'll roll around and spread his legs for basically no reason. Armed with knowledge of his spreads, a lust for feline erotica and a camera I decided to get into the kitty porn business:

Special Bonus Pic--Negrodamus cleaning up after our photo shoot:

Katrina Ebay Action!

2005-09-06T20:38:00.000-05:00

A few days ago I learned you could set up an ebay auction to benefit the charity of your choice. I decided to unload some of my comics and send 100% of the proceeds to the Red Cross. Here they are:

The Ultimates

The Invisibles

Adventures of Luther Arkwright/Fables

Blackhawk

You can get in on this as well, click here to read up on how to sell items for a charity on ebay.

Hot Cat Action Sunday

2005-09-04T08:25:00.000-05:00

It's Sunday! Take a break from all the New Orleans looting videos and for the love of God stop looking for William Rehnquist autopsy photos. Instead watch these clips, they contain cat action so hot it could make a Bishop break a stained glass window!

Elvis the Robo-Cat

Creepy Japanese Robot Cats

Scuba Cat

I've got to say thanks to my friend Rebecca, because even though she is trying to pass three(!) kidney stones she still had the presence of mind to send me the scuba cat clip.

America's Next Top Model: Lex

2005-08-30T05:53:00.000-05:00

Recently Lex told me he had a dream: to be an internet model. Even though the furball has big rear end I told him to go for it, so he came up with the idea of posing with my Hanukkah finger puppets for the website Stuff on my Cat.

Once I broke out the camera Lex turned into a real cam-whore, rolling around the table and streching, showing off his stomach:

TERRORISTS STRIKE AGAIN: Al-Queda Suspected in Madonna Attack

2005-08-16T21:19:00.000-05:00

"MADONNA was last night recovering at home after falling off a horse while celebrating her 47th birthday. The singer suffered three cracked ribs, a broken collarbone and a broken hand as a result of the accident.... Barbara Charone, the singer's spokeswoman, said: "Madonna fell off a new horse she was riding."

Barely a month after the London bombings and Al-Queda have struck again, this time setting their sights on one of the Hollywood Elite. Madonna is lucky to be walking away from this attack, the last time the terrorists employed a horse they crippled Superman actor Christopher Reeves back in 1995. With such horse attacks on the rise I think we should send a message to the terrorists that we will not stand still and let these atrocities continue, this is what I propose:

If a copy of the Koran is found in the horse's stable the animal will be immediately executed by either the victim's spouse or eldest child. The suggested method of execution involves drowning the horse in a bathtub, small children in the family are encouraged to hop up onto the horsey and stand on it's head, thus ensuring both a quick drowning and a fun family experience.
The horse's body will then be sent to France for consumption, but not before the hooves are cut off and made into horse hoof ashtrays!

Most of the trays will either by kept by the victim's spouse or auctioned off for charity, but at least one will be sent to Abu Gharib prison in Iraq, where it will be placed on top of an Iraqi prisoner pyramid.

I'm such a jackass...

2005-07-31T20:20:00.000-05:00

Why is that, you ask? Because whenever I go out to eat I like to order tea. But to be honest, I'm not much of tea person. It's my understanding that tea is made from rotten plant leaves and it has a lewd color, like a person with leprosy urinated in it:

Getting back to the jackass thing, the only reason I order tea is so I can tell an old, idiotic joke to the waiter/waitress when they offer me a refill. Here's how the conversation usually plays out:

Waiter/Waitress: "Would you like some more tea?"
Me: "No thanks, I'm part Native American."
Waiter/waitress: "Really?"
Me: "Yes and I've drank so much tea I'm going to drown in my tea pee tonight!"

This is the kind of behavior that's going to get me stabbed one day...

Advertising slogans can be fun!

2005-07-18T12:49:00.000-05:00

I love clever slogans almost as much as I love kitties. Here are some of my favorites:

"We are in business for your small business"
Sam's / Wal-Mart
Sam's might be in business for small business, but it's sister company Wal-Mart certainly isn't. Wal-Mart thrives on taking out small businesses and making itself the one stop shop in town. They do this by coming into town and dropping prices so low that local businesses can't compete with them. And if that doesn't work they burn crosses in the yards of business owners. And if your business doesn't leave town after that they kidnap your children, drown them in a bathtub, take pictures of it and put them on the internet and frame a Mexican for the crime.

"Accelerate your life!"
The Navy
Yes, accelerate your life so it ends sooner. Being in the Navy could involve getting exploded by crazed Arabs or drowning. But I guess drowning doesn't have to be that horrible. In fact, the last thing you see in your life could be a beautiful fish, such as this one:

"Just do it" ~ Nike
"Do what tastes right" ~ Wendy's

This is the line of thinking that got several truckloads of Catholic Priests into trouble. You can't "just do it" because it "tastes right," there's a little thing called "consent" that comes into play. And no, cats can't consent. You can do things with plants, so if you wanna get your jollies by licking chocolate off a cactus while jumping up and down in poison ivy then go right ahead!

"Unleash the power of the sun"
Sunny Delight
Sunny Delight is a pseudo juice drink high in sugar and marketed towards kids. Advertisements for the drink feature jackasses running around yelling unleash the power of the sun," goading children into getting sunburns, which can lead to second degree burns or even skin cancer! So next time somebody shoves a Sunny D in your face tell them to a google image search for "second degree burns on albino babies." That'll show them!

"Nobody does chicken like KFC"
How does KFC do chicken?
"Workers also ripped the animals beaks off, twisted their heads off, spat tobacco into their eyes and mouths, spray-painted their faces, and squeezed their bodies so hard that the birds expelled feces all while the chickens were still alive."

And I bet the workers didn't even call them back the next morning.

Cat Profile: Mr. Miyagi

2005-07-10T07:55:00.000-05:00

Last time around the Litterbox profiled Lex, a streetwalker I picked up last year. Today we take a peek at one of Lex's pals, Mr. Miyagi:

No, not that Mr Miyagi! This one:

Mr. Miyagi is a fat orange cat of chinese origin with insanely fluffy fur. Seriously, check those ears out!

He also likes to give tongue.

Despite being a total butterhog Miyagi has been known to somehow climb his big butt up on top of the bird feeder. Once there he usually looks around for birds and then ends going to sleep.

Victim of Terrorism

2005-07-07T21:04:00.000-05:00

LONDON(AP)-Terror struck in the heart of London on Thursday as explosions ripped through three subway trains and blasted the roof off a crowded red double-decker bus. At least 37 people were killed and more than 700 wounded in the deadliest attack on the city since the blitz in World War II.

The quote above is just one example of the many news reports about the London terrorist attack today, which to be honest is already starting to get a bit old. Nobody really cares about these things anymore unless they live in the city that got attacked, people just tune in to catch live shots of bodies still twitching in the wreckage and to hear their leaders assure them that yes, the towels will be blown off the Al-Qaeda heads responsible for this atrocity.

And while all this was going down in London I was being terrorized in my own office! This is what I found on my office door today:

That's right, it's my fat baby picture! But the horror wasn't over, once I opened the door I saw another one, this time in brilliant color:

I can't believe things like this can still happen in the United States, Homeland Security really dropped the ball on this one! I launched my own investigation into the matter and discovered the perpetrator of this savage attack is from Poland, so in retaliation I'm posting these Polish jokes:

Q: Why wasn't Christ born in Poland?
A: Because they couldn't find three wisemen and a virgin.

Q: How can you tell if you house has been robbed by a Polish burglar?
A: The garbage has been eaten and the dog is pregnant.

Take that, you filthy Polish!

The Nonconsensual Barter

2005-07-02T18:14:00.000-05:00

Every Saturday I like to go on a bike ride. I load up my mp3 player with comics such as George Carlin and Phil Hendrie and then go zipping throughout the city and local parks where people give me weird looks because I tend to laugh out loud a lot and I have very white legs.
This morning I exited my apartment all ready to go and this is what I saw:

That empty space is where my bike was last night. Some dirtbag jacked my bike! They left my neighbor's, which I can understand because it's a rusty pile of garbage that hasn't been moved in over a year. I mean for the love of the Holy Mother Mary she's got an old filthy doormat on her bike! Then I found this:

Looks like an old doormat might have been a better deterrent than my bike lock since the theif cut through it without breaking a sweat. But the fun wasn't over for me yet because then I found this left close to the bike area:

That's right, the jackball that took my bike left this old one in exchange. So now I can't really say my bike got jacked, but that I was the victim of a nonconsensual barter! I'm really coming out of this deal rough because I can't ride this bike: it's used, I don't know where it's been or who it's been with and the seat might have a venereal disease! Seriously, I could take that thing for a spin around the block and end up like Terri Schiavo before the sun went down!

Attack of the Double Chins

2005-06-26T19:42:00.000-05:00

Earlier today I discovered these chilling photos of myself as a baby. I'm less than a year old, bald and winner of the coveted butterhog baby of the year award, 1982!

"Hey check it out Grandma: When I wave a pork chop in front of him he smiles!"

American Terrorist

2005-05-02T20:50:00.000-05:00

I think something’s up with Lex... he's always been a high maintenance cat, but over the past month he's been prancing acting like a real jerk, hissing at people and even taking swings at me! I think he might be planning to join the Al Qaeda! I know it sounds crazy, but this week everything finally clicked for me when I saw what Lex did with this box that was innocently left lying on a couch:

Now it isn't normal for Lex to cram himself into tight spaces, he has a big butt so I know it can't be that comfortable for him. Then I realized he was doing this to be like Saddam Hussein and hide in a hole in the ground. Here is a pic of Saddam's hole, notice how similar it is to the box:

Lex then got out of the box and wrapped a towel around himself, publicly adopting the dress of an Al Qaeda operative:

It's actually sort of cute, the towel is pink like his nose. Compare his act of towel-wrapping to these Al Qaeda and let me know if it doesn't horrify you!

The Kosher Cake

2005-04-24T19:41:00.000-05:00

Friday was my birthday, and a mere normal cake wasn't enough to celebrate this holiday. So my Mom whipped up this groovy kosher cake! Its kosher because it doesn't have pork in it.

Lex also wanted to get his cake on, so I let him lick the frosting off the candles.

The Batman/Catholic Crossover Extravaganza!

2005-04-16T16:07:00.000-05:00

These days it seems you can't go outside without stubbing your toe on a Catholic. The Vatican estimates that there are about 1.07 billion Catholics worldwide, and that number is sure to grow as the church is hot off the death of Pope John Paul II and in the coming weeks a new Pope will be selected. Clearly now is great time to be Catholic!

On June 17th Warner Brother's Pictures will release "Batman Begins." This latest film in the Batman franchise stars some guy nobody has heard of (Christian Bale) as Batman and the Greatest Actor in the History of the World, Morgan Freeman, as Lucius Fox. While a mere glimpse of Freeman on screen can make a movie worth watching, people might be turned off of the movie due to memories of the last Batman flick, the abortion titled "Batman and Robin."

What I propose to create a surge of popularity for "Batman Begins" is simple: advertise directly to Catholics. This worked really well last year with "The Passion of the Christ," which was basically a 2 hour S&M film where a man got the living crap beat out of him with whips, thorns and nails. Catholics clearly get off on that sort of thing, and "Batman Begins" will really put a smile on their face when, among other things, they see Bruce Wayne's parents brutally murdered. Once one takes a closer look at Batman you can see the character is practically made for Catholics...

The Logo - Both are simple and instantly recognizable.

The Costume - The Pope wore a variety of colorful costumes which he tops off by putting a rolled up piece of cardboard on his head. He also sometimes carries a stick. Batman may have gone through many costume changes over the years, but his cardboard bat ears have been a constant.

Teen Sidekicks - The Pope had what Catholics call "The Legion of Altar Boys," who have dedicated their lives to serving him and his priests. They also carry the Pope's stick for him sometimes. Batman's sidekick is Robin, the Boy Wonder. Robin used to dress like a half-retard hooker on crystal meth when he was first introduced, but received a makeover in the 90's and is now a respectable superhero.

Vehicles - The Pope had the Pope-Mobile, which was bullet proof. But it always looked sort of goofy so the Pope never wanted to ride in it, until he got shot and changed his mind. Batman has the Batmobile, which has a neat paint job and all sorts of gadgets that would make James Bond curl up in a corner like a kitten and cry.

Crossovers - Crossovers are always fun because famous characters that normally never interact get together for a big adventure. The Pope had one last big one a few years back with Fidel Castro over in Cuba, where they got together and smoked Cuban cigars and while mulling over how great it is to have people look up to you. Batman is famous for having no shame and has always been willing to whore himself out and guest star in lower selling books.

So, what happens next? We need to get church groups together to attend screenings of Batman Begins, advertise for the Catholic Church in Batman comics and have churches fire up a Bat-Signal on the night sky during Saturday Mass. That'll put the butts in the bat-seats come June 17th.

Bumper Stickers

2005-04-02T11:29:00.000-05:00

The 2004 presidential election is over! It was through last November, yet we still have these schmucks driving around with John Kerry bumper stickers on their cars, boldly proclaiming their support for Kerry. There are several reasons why people still have the stickers on their car, ranging from being to lazy to remove them being so in love with Kerry they think he'll return for 2008.

I can sort of understand being too lazy to take the thing off your car, but any sane person can't honestly believe Kerry has a chance of running in 2008. This is the same sort of thinking that makes people want to put Confederate Flag stickers on their cars, this notion that "the south will rise again!" I'm actually sort of afraid; people have had this bizarre love affair with the those idiot, loser confederates for over a hundred years, so I think we need to nip this Kerry sticker situation before it gets out of hand.

The Germans have the right idea; you can't go driving around with Nazi swastikas on your car because it's against the law to display that kind of material. I don't think passing that sort of law would fly here, so we need to get out and get active and fight this problem on the streets! Convince these people that Kerry lost the election, why waste should they waste their time continuing to supporting him? To help I've created this handy picture to print out and leave on car windshields to help spread the message:

Product Placement: Junior Mints bib

2005-03-29T21:49:00.000-05:00

Junior Mints are the best candy in the world! Unlike other candies, no matter how many Junior Mints you eat they go down smoothly and don't give you a stomach ache. On the other hand the more boxes you eat you begin to see the negative effects of such a soft orgy of chocolate and mint: sometimes the mints melt in the box and stick together, and then you look like a schmuck trying to eat them.
That is why God created the Junior Mints bib! Given to me by my friend and fellow mint lover Tanya, the bib was too small for my fat neck. So I decided to let Lex model it! Here he is, wearing nothing but the fur he was born with and the bib:

Lex standing on his hind legs eating a treat out of my hand. Isn't he talented?

The Bathroom Door

2005-03-29T09:59:00.000-05:00

Easter is one those holidays where all of family in a 50 mile radius come to my parent’s house for a huge meal. Despite the fact that we all live in the same state, there are little things we all do differently that I assumed everyone did the same. Case in point: How do you deal with the bathroom door once you’re done?

I was raised with the following procedure: when finished one turns the lights out and leaves the door open. This clearly shows that the facility is empty and ready for the next person to use. If I see this, I know it’s safe to go in and take care of business.

But on Easter I had quite the dilemma when I went to use the bathroom and encountered the following scene: The door was pulled almost shut, but not completely. The light was on and the fan was on, obscuring any noise from within. I had no idea if was in there or not. I stood there for a while debating what to do. I couldn’t knock on the door because it wasn’t pulled shut, my knocking would push it open and if someone was in there I’d look like some sort of sicko who gets his jollies watching people on the toilet. I didn’t want to ask "Is anyone in there?" because bathroom insider-outsider conversations make me feel awkward.

Finally I decided to go back into the dining area and get a head count of the family so I could see if anybody was missing. It turned out the bathroom was empty the entire time! All this heartache could have been prevented if the person before me had merely turned out the lights and left the door open…

Cat Profile: Lex

2005-03-29T09:53:00.000-05:00

The Lex story began on a warm and pleasant night about a year ago. He just appeared at my apartment building that night, rubbing up against my neighbors leg purring and wanting to come inside. When he saw me he trotted over and did the same to my leg, confirming that he didn’t mind multiple partners. I left some food outside for him and the next day he was gone.

Two weeks later, as I was getting ready to go hang out with some friends, I see Lex pawing at my sliding glass door wanting to come in. It turns out that some people had taken him in that night he first showed up, then he escaped from them and came to my door where I found him. The people who previously took him in said I could keep him, at the time I thought they were being nice. Later I would learn that Lex was, in addition to being a lazy ball a fur, a total bastard and had probably been kicked out of his previous homes. But isn’t he cute?

Introductions

2005-03-29T09:47:00.000-05:00

Welcome to The Litterbox! My name’s Craig, I’m a 22 year old resident of Wilmington, NC where I pick up random animals off the streets and work for a college bookstore. More about this later…

Since its a litterbox and all, I plan to be scooping out the wacky cat stuff that I’m obsessed with and maybe even some non-cat related ideas as well. We’ll get things started with this picture of me dressed as Lucifer, the Prince of Darkness, for Halloween back in the eighties. Ahh, the things I would poke if I still had that pitchfork.